Showing posts with label Considering Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Considering Life. Show all posts

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Rounding Second

I think I can, I think I can...Chugga chugga chugga chugga.

My second year of grad school has commenced. One more year to go: 14 more weeks of coursework,  32 more weeks of reading (or maybe 48 weeks...who can say?), exams, and then...dunzo. It seems so easy. So achievable. So close. And yet, it seems impossible and SO. FAR. AWAY.  They tell me, "Joanna, you're so close; you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!" And I say, "the hell I can!" Maybe that "light" is around the next turn, somewhere between December and February.  But right now: no light.

This is what the light will look like when I can see it, which will be never.
So, in an effort to relieve this seemingly endless agony of rounding another base, I'm taking account of the lighter side of this oh-so lightless tunnel.* As it turns out, to my surprise, some things in history can be relatively easy and agony-free. Forget the complication of method, analysis, and bullshit high-minded theses; I choose easy. Rather than suffer through a year of grappling with historiography and stupid historical debates, I am choosing to settle in with some good-for-nothing stories of the highest caliber and the utmost truthiness.  Join me, won't you? I will educate the f--- out of you. (Beware: I use bad words.)

For tomorrow: The feminization of gossip in 17th century colonial Virginia. Get excited.

*I realize that mixed metaphors can cause some confusion. Am I playing baseball or am I a human train? Either way, the point is clear: second base sucks.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Defending My Craft: In Which I Explain, Why Grad School.

Even if you're not a big fan of history, you've probably heard of this guy:
  David McCullough

Given his remarkable achievements (ya gotta give props to anyone with a Presidential Medal of Freedom), McCullough deservedly qualifies as a senior-ranking member of the academic badass club.

You might have heard of these:


Truman inspired the HBO movie starring Lieutenant Dan as Truman, himself.  John Adams inspired the ill-cast (Giamatti and Laura Linney, really?), boring-as-hell, but nevertheless award-winning HBO miniseries produced by Tom Hanks. 1776 is currently in production with HBO and America's favorite historian, Tom Hanks.  The Greater Journey (coming out in May) will probably one day inspire an HBO series. A lot of people really like McCullough, especially the people at HBO.

McCullough is widely recognized as a trusted United States historian whose books stay in the bestseller charts for years.  John Adams, for instance, is so successful that it is one of the fastest-selling non-fiction books of all time. Additionally, McCullough's books are a staple feature on the Barnes & Noble selected history books table.  A pretty fine accomplishment, if you ask me.  But most importantly, he has the Tom Hanks seal of approval.

I've never read any of his books.  They're just too gosh-darn thick and heavy--much too cumbersome for me to hold whilst lounging in a sunken sofa balancing coffee and a cozy blanket. In other words, McCullough's books require a table, and who reads books at tables?  No, I prefer my history books with soft covers and less than 250 pages.  I also prefer my history books written by someone who has a degree in history.  Call me an elitist!  Having a degree of my own and working on my masters, I think, entitles me to be a bit picky.  At least for now.  Or maybe I'm just jealous of people who never had to slog through a history methods class to write a bestseller. But do keep this in mind: I really love the Kardashian sisters and I watch Dancing With the Stars every week.  So I can't possibly be an elitist.

In any case, it's easy to spot the glaring differences between a straight-up history book (written by boring history professors infatuated with excessive end-noting) and a history narrative (written by storytellers like Erik Larson, independently wealthy hobbyists like James Bradley, and excellent prose writers like McCullough). The most obvious difference being that one is way more fun to read the other...duh.  Storytellers get the glory (i.e. the movie treatment) because they're better able to articulate the juicy details of our interesting-as-hell national history.  I don't blame them; I envy them.  But while their books are easy to read and fascinating, they may not always be good history.  Popular history books like these tend to simplify, glorify, and sensationalize the details....sometimes to the effect that they reinforce our weird understanding of American exceptionalism and national identity.

"Good history," in my view, is complicated and ugly; it takes whatever simple understanding you may have learned in high school and explodes a bomb of nuanced, theoretical and argumentative perspectives in your face.  "Good history" makes you wonder whether or not the stories and the myths--the foundations of our national identity--are true, and it forces you to decide why/how it matters in today's politics.  Reading history, ultimately, is studying debate. So, I prefer to get my debate sources from the boring history professors and my TV/movie entertainment from the Tom Hanks History Network (aka HBO).  No offense, McCullough.

But back to my main point...because I'm sounding quite snobby.

McCullough knows the value of history and he communicates that well.  In his 2005 lecture "American History and America's Future," McCullough makes a wonderful point.  That is, history education is fundamental to being: a.) A better citizen; b.) A more "thoughtful and understanding human being;" and c.) A more behaved individual.  True enough.  But he also recognizes that history is as pleasurable as art, music, and literature. Just like these other more popular mediums, history "consists of an expansion of the experience of being alive." Yes, sir.
We are raising a generation of young Americans who are by-and-large historically illiterate.  And it's not their fault...We have to do several things.  First of all we have to get across the idea that we have to know who we were if we're to know who we are and where we're headed.  This is essential...History isn't just something that ought to be taught or ought to be read or ought to be encouraged because it's going to make us a better citizen.  It will make us a better citizen; or because it will make us a more thoughtful and understanding human being, which it will; or because it will cause us to behave better, which it will.  It should be taught for pleasure: The pleasure of history, like art or music or literature, consists of an expansion of the experience of being alive, which is what education is largely about. 
I don't often wax poetic about my decision to study U.S. history at the graduate level.  My love of the past is not that interesting of a subject.  I could sum it up in two sentences.  Ready?  Two sentences:  I love the past because it explains to me why change moves in the direction that it does; it shows why movements/people/policies failed, succeeded, or perhaps never changed at all.  I love the past because it suggests a better alternative for the future, and directs the proper (and most reasonable) responses for the present.  Done.  There's not much more than that.

Talking about history is more problematic. I mean, not everyone wants to hear my tirade about President Wilson, the man who f---d us into being the paradox of international relations that we are today.  History doesn't make for good pub talk (at least, not in California), and clashing politics are guaranteed to ruffle some feathers and end happy friendships.  History is, like most interesting things, veiled in politics.  And politics are, as I've learned, a bit touchy and emotionally unstable.

Ultimately, my interest in history reminds me of playing volleyball.

Volleyball is a great sport--it's accessible, cheap, and everyone (even the most unskilled athlete) can play it at the beach; you just flop around in the sand, drink beer, and have a good time, making sure all the while that your swimsuit doesn't fall off.  But court volleyball is different.  You need knee pads, tiny spandex shorts (which are functional, by the way...they don't ride up or expose anything when you roll out from a dive), 4 refs, and a team of 6 players who all know the same hitting terms--"slide," "4," "one," "hut," "pipe"--and the court zones.  All six players have to be on the same page; they need to know where to guard and who to cover with each touch of the ball. The lingo and the shouting determine all of that.  Ever wonder why volleyball games are so loud?  Communicating plays are what makes a rally happen and what makes volleyball appear so choreographed and fun to watch (and play). If, however, the setter (much like a quarterback) is the only one who knows the terms, sets the hits, and guards the hitter, then the ball is most often on the floor.  Boring.

Well, sometimes I feel like a lonely setter.

I like to call hits, make plays, and rally back and forth (with or without a volleyball), but my subject doesn't always make that fun and easy.  History, after all, isn't as accessible as it should be.  Nor is it very popular to watch, play, or follow.  Click here for my case in point. Try out the first 8 questions; see how well you (and the "average" American) do.

Personal interests can be incredibly isolating, especially when your interest revolves around reading--the antithesis of social interaction.  I think that's why most historians choose to teach.  They don't want to feel like a lonely setter, setting up plays for invisible teammates.  They want to rally.  For those historians who like people, teaching is a must; it is the only way to make friends and recruit other players.  Poor, lonely historians.  In fact, it's not possible to be a professional historian without actively doing history; that is, researching and then sharing and arguing with people about the conclusions of that research (i.e. publishing books and articles, teaching the public, giving lectures, etc).  In other words, teaching is an essential component to doing history.  The reverse is also true: doing history is an essential component to being a history teacher.  As David McCullough says, a good history teacher knows (and therefore, studies and practices) history.
We have to do a better job of teaching our teachers...Knowing a subject is important because you want to know what you're talking about when you're teaching.  But beyond that, you can't love what you don't know.  And the great teachers - the teachers who influence you, who change your lives - almost always, I'm sure, are the teachers that love what they are teaching. 
Spoken like a true champ: like a man who's been awarded the highest civilian honor in the land.  Thank you, David McCullough, for pointing out that a solid education in history is vital not only to students (and all Americans), but to the teachers.  This is why, when it is all said and done, I'm working my ass off reading and writing papers 7 days a week; because I believe that history teachers should know what the hell they are talking about.

I'll never forget when my 10th grade world history teacher gave me a C on a quiz (one point off from a B) because I got this question wrong:  "Who did Hitler send to the concentration camps?" I answered: "Jews, gypsies, communists, etc."  She put a bold line through communists and marked "-1." What? She was wrong.  She made the mistake that so many Americans do: failing to distinguish the differences between socialism, communism, and Nazism. If only our history teachers could have explained this difference to us in high school!  Perhaps, then, our political environment would be a little less insane and Hitler mustaches a little less ubiquitous.

So there you have it: my reason for being (a grad student).

Sunday, September 26, 2010

What a Difference 4 Years Make

Organizing closets and sorting through papers is a never-ending process, especially if your name is Grandma and you are sorting through a lifetime of clothes and notes.  She isn't getting very fair.  Last week she found a box full of letters from her grandchildren and, like every normal person who is easily distracted, proceeded to read every single one.  Apparently Bjorn and Kevan wrote some "lovely" long letters. What sweet boys.  Today she brought me a 3-page typed (single-space, 12 point) letter that I had written to her four years ago.

Dated August 30, 2006,  I knew this letter could be dangerous to read.

"Oh man...I don't think I want to read that."

But of course I did and its oozingly sweet drama didn't disappoint me.  Still recovering from my dream-crushing and confidence-deflating AmeriCorps experience (and a few other things), I wrote this letter under no delusion that 2006 was a good year.  But Grandma needed a letter. 

On my short-lived Starbucks career: "my hair is permanently stained with coffee odor" and "what is it about my '4:30am eye-twinkle' that encourages 50-year old men to hit on me at 4:30am? Who wakes up in the morning (at 4:30am) and think, hey...I'm going to flirt with the barista girl because she'll be too tired to refuse me at 4:30am? When are men going to realize that flirting works so much better when the girl is actually awake? Good riddance, Starbucks." (Nowadays I only ask that men offer a cookie or a donut. The perfect one-liner: "Hi my name is [insert name here], I bought this donut for you. Will you go out with me?")

On my exciting new job: "Interning at Redwood Camp just might reduce me to a puddle of twice-abused emotional rot, but hey...I get to live in a cottage called 'Huckleberry!'" (So full of optimism was I)

On shopping: "Everyone must own a pair of red shoes" and "because I had nothing to wear with my new red shoes, I bought an entire new wardrobe. Now I have too many clothes. I worry that uncontrollable spending runs in the family."  (It doesn't)

On creativity:  "Only after completing the village puzzle, the Little Mermaid puzzle, the princess puzzle, and the Mickey Mouse puzzle did my mom and I realize that we were addicted...and bored. So we decided to make a quilt." (Best quilt ever made. P.S. - Mom, can you bring it with you in November?)

And thankfully, I also made note of my anti-dating philosophy: "I've decided that relationships are kind of ridiculous.  After a while all you can see are problems and everything is so serious and stupid. These little insignificant things become huge issues and then, without any warning at all, you get told that every single one of those issues is your fault. Who wants that?" (I guess some things don't change)


Although somewhat strange, I consider this brief encounter with 2006 to be the best part of my day.  As I spent the day hunched over my computer, agonizing over a paper on 18th-century racial identity, I was so happy to remember the crazy 4-year path that brought me here.  No more AmeriCorps, no more serving lattes, no more planning camp, no more helping lawyers.  I'm finally doing what I want to be doing: hunched over a computer, agonizing over racial identity. Damn it's good to be here in 2010!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

An Introduction

It seems my life has been hi-jacked by Arab slaves and Mayan rebels.  Welcome to grad school, Joanna...now DRIVE!  Or, more aptly, gimme your car or I'll shoot you in the head.  I didn't expect this sort of violent interaction with history when I began this whole endeavor.  First of all, I expected to study 20th century U.S., so why the hell am I in the Middle East in the Middle Ages and the Yucatan in 1884?? Second, when I gave myself that motivational speech months ago about pursuing my dreams ("You can this, Joanna...you're smart, your confident...this is what you've always wanted to do...blah blah blah!"), I didn't consider the fact that this would be impossible.  Apparently I was expecting something easy.  Oh silly, silly me! Welp...I was wrong. (Enter Arab slaves, Mayan rebels, and a devastatingly overwhelming amount of reading here).  My life has been reduced to the turning of pages and the pages never end.  Ever.

I want to murder that motivational speech now.  I would slit its throat and let it bleed out...slowly.

Yes, I have resorted to violence.  This is what happens when you lose your words and you're desperately flirting with impossibility.  In my case, I start ranting and raving about things that shouldn't matter.  Like, for instance, Bristol Palin on "Dancing with the Stars."

Is it just me or does she have no armpit?

Ugh. Let me pause a moment to work out my disgust.

Who is the idiot responsible for this awful decision?  This is a travesty and my favorite show is ruined forever.  ABC could redeem itself, however.  I propose the Tanya Harding method of elimination.  This would not only satisfy my current fascination with violence, but it'd be damned entertaining.  The other option is to introduce the negative vote.  If I could caste -1 vote for every call, I would call 100 times every Monday night.  Bristol would be gone after week 1 and I could watch my show in peace.

Not that I have time for TV or anything. I have better things to do.  Like figuring out how to be a grad student without losing my mind.  It seems like an unattainable ambition after only my second week of classes.  I wonder if perhaps I should stop looking for apartments and start looking for jobs.  Real jobs.  But then Brother Bjorn calls me.  We commiserate together about the insane workload and I want to cry because finally someone understands.  And then he delivers the Clear Eyes, Full Hearts sort of game-changing speech that I needed to hear.  Thanks, brother.  Maybe this is possible after all.

But I'm still worried about the hi-jacking issue.  I wonder if it is possible for this pursuit to run away with my life and leave only a skeleton of boringness.  I have seen the end result of that progression (or regression) and it isn't good.  Let's just say that those professors wear sweat pants to work and they forget how to make eye contact or say "hello."  They are the ones who are lost in their own oblivion and no amount of social interaction or goading can bring them back from a total and complete state of permanent awkwardness.  This is the worst possible outcome for my life.  More than failing out of grad school or being buried alive, I fear sweatpants and irreparable awkwardness.  So I write this blog to preserve my humanity and save my soul.  Practically, it is a chance to exhale, to take a mental break, and to explore the lighter side of life--the innocent, the trivial, and the truly inspiring.

Like this cupcake...
"Yes I will have a chocolate chip cookie cupcake."

Or this view...
Not a bad view for studying, eh?